The End of a Chapter

It seems only fitting for me to have finished the chapter entitled “Initiation never ends” in Generation Hex (a Disinformation anthology) , as I pulled into my stop on the train home tonight. I feel that today either the beginning has ended, or the beginning has just begun – either way, something has occurred, and I have been made aware of it.

I entered the city this morning full of promise and hope, gearing up to attend my first Gnostic Mass. The mass was held in Queens by the local O.T.O, and was truly mind blowing. Having only ever been to a traditional catholic mass, the Gnostic Mass was exceptionally refreshing. I won’t divulge too many details (in the spirit of attempting to honor the “..and to keep silent” maxim) but I will tell you that it was a beautiful experience. The whole thing sat incredibly well with me, and it felt good to be surrounded by that many like minded people. There was not a moment where I felt uncomfortable, or unsettled, or even remotely out of place. Everything resonated precisely in key.

I now have many book recommendations written down, and many mental notes to make physical, and many good feelings and plans all around. A friend’s paraphrase of Alan Moore has echoed in my mind for days now, and I can now conclude I understand it:

“Magic goes from a place you visit to a place you live”

Magic was a place I visited for a long time. I would go there, and read, and be interested and enthralled. And then I would leave, go to school, wander around, talk to my friends, and forget I had been there at all. There was a lot of “forgetting” all around. Today was like a housewarming gift from the Universe, the “Powers that Be” decided to acknowledge I had moved in, and pleasantly welcomed me to the neighborhood. As proof of this (though it is only one of many signs I saw), I give you a picture of some graffiti at the subway station, which corresponded nicely the essay in Generation Hex I read on the train not much later, called “Eris is my Biatch”

 

Eris, Discordian Goddess of Chaos, right under my nose.

 

Seeing “Eris” there was certainly a nice way to close the evening, and I’m glad I saw it before the sun set and made it invisible.

I almost forgot to mention that today marks 2 years since my mother passed away. Last year at this time I spent the whole day thinking of her. This year is a new feeling –  I am settled, and I am a more confident, ambitious and happy person than I was then, and than I have ever been. I miss my mom, but I know she would be proud of how I spent today, and what I’m accomplishing and the self I’m building. Both her presence and her absence have made me a stronger, more resilient and compassionate person.

This post in loving memory of Nancy, my mother, the strongest woman I’ve ever known and a constant inspiration.

Ipsa scientia potestas est,

E.R.S.